Giving costly Christmas presents to all your friends and family is a pernicious practice and I'd like to ban it
The festive season is approaching and swaths of shoppers are getting ready to hit the nation’s high streets and e-tailers, gathering nick-nacks for loved ones, friends and colleagues. Not me, though. I’m more interested in banning Christmas presents.
My argument is not a religious one: it’s about the money moral dilemma that Christmas (or Hannukah, or Eid) raises. And my target is not the parcels from parents or grandparents that sit under the spruces. It is the ever-widening circle of present-buying that people feel a need to fulfil. And here’s why.
1) We have disconnected from why we give gifts.
The expectation of presents is not culturally exclusive to the West — anthropologists call it “ceremonial gift exchange”. The most common occasions for gift-giving are marriage or coming-of-age — in effect, this is a form of prudent banking. When someone is young and starting out in married life, others give cash or gifts as a start-up fund — a net inflow of goods.As people age and become more stable financially, they give gifts to newlyweds, so paying the system back.
Yet Christmas gift-giving outside the immediate family doesn’t work that way. Rather than focusing cash where it is needed, we simply swap presents, so there is no net movement of funds or goods.
2) It creates an unfair obligation on others.
At this point, fervent gift-givers will be spluttering over their wrapping paper. Their counter-argument, of course, is the pure joy of giving; many people thrive on this and it can be hugely pleasurable. But it is important to think about the recipients of the goodies. Generosity could actually be hurting them, not helping.
By giving a gift to someone, or their children, you oblige them to do the same, whether they can afford it or not.
3) It mis-prioritises our finances.
Christmas present-giving is often a “zero-sum” game in which people exchange gifts of similar value. For example: Sharon gives a £20 necklace to Violet; Violet gives £20 earrings to Sharon. The net result is that Sharon has spent £20 to get earrings; Violet has spent £20 to get a necklace. The problem arises if Sharon is loaded and Violet is skint. Without the gift-giving obligation, would Violet have chosen to spend her hard-earned £20 on a necklace? Perhaps she would have bought food for her children, paid some bills or put the money towards replacing worn-out shoes.Violet’s financial priorities have been skewed by gift-swapping.
4) We give gifts that aren’t used.
Whether it’s naff socks from Aunty Joan or novelty mechanical breasts from your workmates, unused gifts are sent to fulfil seasonal obligations — and that’s bad for both our finances and the environment.
So why give gifts? Perhaps because we are too embarrassed to suggest that we don’t. To help people to broach the subject, I have built a “no unnecessary present pact” tool at www.moneysavingexpert.com/prenupp which generates an “I won’t buy a gift if you won’t” e-mail or suggests a spending limit. Using an automated tool is deliberate — the recipient feels that this is part of a widespread philosophy and not just you being tight.
5) Kids are not born retail snobs.
Are we not teaching children to assign too much value to material acquisition, and bolstering the ad campaigns that say it is all about getting the latest toys?
Children are not born with the retail snobbery gene. When I was filming for GMTV recently, we asked two small children to help by pretending to be overjoyed about getting gifts. They knew that the boxes were empty but were still desperate to open them once the camera stopped. They spent ages playing trains in the cardboard boxes. So if children don’t judge gifts by the price paid, why do we judge our generosity to them by it?
6) “Inflationary giving” is a bad message for children.
Sadly, school-age children quickly become competitive, comparing who received what. By buying big gifts you create pressure on other parents who may be unable to afford to compete.
This has created an explosion of giftinflation. I recently overheard a 16-year-old in a coffee shop trying to persuade her aunt to intercede with her parents so that she could have a birthday limo trip around London, then out to dinner and a nightclub with her friends. Asked why, she named other girls who had done this and said she would look “stupid” if she didn’t manage to do the same.
My aim is not to stop festive fun but to challenge the blithe, habitual nature of gift-giving. Spending time making things that others appreciate, or just being more considerate, is more in keeping with the real spirit of the winter festivals. Perhaps the real gift is to release someone from the obligation of buying you a present.
Martin Lewis
